Cool waves hit my legs as I follow my three, wading deeper than I should go with no swim suit and a skirt. These are the moments it's so worth just forgetting about everything and diving in, even when you're fully clothed. Who cares, really? Wet clothes, muddy toes - they're just symbols of freedom.
I giggle as Simon flies off the edge of a huge sand bar. We're thirty feet into the lake, but we're on nearly dry sand that drops down two feet within a step. It's wild. It's like nature's diving board.
"Watch this, Mama..." I'm only sort of watching.
He runs like a mad man to throw himself into the water. I laugh and shake my head. My boy, I do love my boy. Though some days, I have to remind myself. He's crazy, and demanding, and head strong - but he's wild, and free, and fun, and smart, and so determined. I see him fly again and I can't help but wonder where God will fly him to one day. What His plans for this little boy are.
As we drive home the country roads, I'm thinking about love. I have a mini-revelation right while I'm chatting to my husband. Now, I'm almost always chatting, so revelations can come to me this way often - but this one was different. It stopped me in my tracks - I mean, it made me stop talking. Which is big.
"You know, if we're striving to be more like Jesus, what we are also really striving to be like - is love. We should be striving to be more like love."
He glances over at me. I know his ocean blue eyes are smiling under his shades. His hair dances in the breeze as he watches the road and nods, agreeing. He's so handsome with the sunlight hitting stubble on blushing cheeks. I pause to admire this gift God has given me. In a moment, my brows furrow and I stare out the window for a long while. A corn field passes, stems browned from too many weeks of no rain.
Am I striving to be more like love? Because God is love. And if Jesus is the perfect embodiment of God, God in the flesh - and God is love, than Jesus is love too.
Another corn field flies by. This one has greener, taller stems, and a high-tech watering system shooting water so far it hits the winding road ahead.
So - we should be striving to say loving things and do loving things but it's more than that. Could we ultimately be on a journey to actually BECOME love?
Wouldn't that be wild? If we were all so filled with Jesus that we overflowed with love because it was so much a part of us, that we leaked it? It oozed out all over?
I'm pretty sure that's how it's supposed to be. I read it later -
"Love is patient,
love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
(1 Corinthians 13)
I wonder what life would look like if I could replace the word "LOVE" with my name.
Cassandra is patient, Cassandra is kind... Cassandra keeps no record of wrongs...
If I could press hard into the truth that we are called to be more like love. And to be more and more and more like love until we pretty much are love because everything about us is loving. The verb love. That's the only kind of true love.
And all this - not because we have the power or ability but because we cling to Jesus in us and live out His calling on our lives. Let Him overflow right on out and all over everything. A crazy, unexpected love-mess. Irrational, sporadic, spontaneous, spirit-led, impractical, and sometimes inconvenient love-mess.
Waves are rolling in as the sun sets now. I gaze at a beautiful little girl jumping over pebbles. She leans in and whispers, "I love you, Mama" as I hold her tight.
Love. Not an adjective but a verb.
"Love you too, babes." I whisper it back as a prayer into the breezy shoreline. Make me more like love, God. More like You.
I find it interesting, the scripture that comes before the "Love is" section -
"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."
If I have not love - if I am not a reflection of love - I gain nothing.
So with love - with Christ - I gain everything.