Lately, I've run out of words.
Oh, the words are there - somewhere - they're in my head, heart, or jumbled up somewhere deep, deep in my soul. The words are there - but only God sees them. He's revealing them to me slowly, richly. Writing them down and sending them in love notes I can read when I'm truly tuned in to His spirit.
So, maybe God's been doing the writing, and I've been doing the reading. The eager, but so uncertain reading of my own future. Because He knows how the story goes - and I have no idea until He reveals it. He is the creator of all things and the very same God that made the world, the trees, Autumn, and gives all good things - yes, that God cares about me and knows me inside out.
It's been a trying time for our family. For my husband and I who have been pressing into God harder than we've ever dared. It's been a challenging time where we've cried out in heart and song - 'What would you have for us, Lord?' And, as He always does, God has been listening.
But we've felt at times the need to strain to really hear.
Haven't you noticed the noise? It's all around us - our culture blares loud. We want our opinions heard. Our story told. Our plight to ring out. We're all over-talking each other, but really, who are we shouting at? I've been doing a lot more quiet seeking and a lot less public writing lately. And it's been good for me.
Today we sang out Wonderful God by Christ Tomlin. I had to stop right at "How majestic your whispers". I mean, really pause and consider the depth of this truth. God does speak, but oh, how He whispers.
Most of us fail to hear him because the noise of our life is too loud. The TV is blaring. The ipod is blasting, the schedule is too full, the blog needs writing.... the clatter and bang of this world takes over and God's whispers are just too faint. We crowd ourselves completely out of ear-shot.
Right now, it's 9:30pm. I sit in a completely silent home. No TV. No music. No clatter. Quiet. Stillness. And it's sacred. Beautiful. I've said it so many times, how can we hear God when we don't shush our life? It's deliberate - the seeking. The opening of our ears. It has to be. He's there. He wants to be heard - but we doubt or we don't care enough or we just refuse to surrender.
Nothing is better than the story Almighty God wants to write for your life. For my life. But how can we read the next page if we can't hear to narrator? Stillness. Quiet. A hushing of all the overflow of words and clatter we're so good at creating... that's what I'm seeking lately. And, yes, even the hushing of my own words too.
And God is doing BIG things in my heart and mind as I quietly focus and daily seek His presence. He's turned my whole world upside down and everything I thought I knew I don't know and everything I thought I'd be, I'm not meant to be and everything He has for me is so good and so perfect.
That's where we find Him. Right there. Right at the place where you run out of words - and His take over.
The Better Mom